Why I’m pissed off and also what I would change
Throughout my life, I knew that I never exactly fit in to a certain clique. Most of my life I have been ostracized for various things, whether it be my hair, my skin, or the activities that I participated in. It gets very lonely growing up hearing these things constantly. I would constantly here things like so : He' should play football, I think it would suit him very well given his background.” Or some other things like: “Niggers don’t play baseball, let alone pitch.” Yeah needless to say, I overheard a lot of these things and rather than it breaking me, I was able to manage and direct my anger towards something positive. Before everything went to shit, I was an active person who played soccer, baseball, basketball, and football. And I was damn good at all of them according to those who watched me. But I’m going off topic. Here’s the thing.
I would change my skin color if I could.
Yes you heard me.
I would only be blending in with the pre-meeting perception of myself. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told, “you don’t act or talk black.” What does that mean? What because I decided to waste my money on college and going to an arts academy means that makes me white? Besides this, if I was white, I would have so many more opportunities opened up for me. I wouldn’t be looked at with disdain by other black people, or even better, I would be accepted as white. But alas my skin in the color of the inside of an oven and nothing will change that. I know this, and yet still, I hate it. Not because I wish to fit in, not even because I wish to be white. No, I wish I didn’t have to worry about hate groups coming after me, or getting shot by police officers. Or maybe I hate the fact that I am perceived as a threat to people when I am out and about or at gigs where I am the standout person in a sea of white.
Why I’m pissed off
I am pissed off. I know I know, I just said I would change my skin color. But that isn’t why I’m pissed off. I’m pissed off because I am an American. And yet that is all I am. A black African - American. I am pissed off because our government is incompetent. I am pissed off because we as a people have been indoctrinated into patriotic nationalism despite the problems we refuse to acknowledge. I am pissed off because even as a citizen of the United States, I am still seen to many people throughout the country as 2nd class. I am pissed off that the richest country on the earth has decided to destroy the only planet we can inhabit. And for what? Money? It has no value if there are not people alive to give it value. I am pissed off that there isn’t damn thing I can do to bring about positive change without being mislabeled as an anarchist. I wish that these people actually knew what anarchy was. I do. It’s just as awful as you think it is. Or maybe it’s the double standards of our social constructs. Or how about the legal justice system that only protects those with political or monetary influence? How dare you say that with liberty and justice for all and then turn around and still refuse to indict those who have committed murder against my people? Fuck you. I am so fucking done with this country. November 5th can’t come soon enough. We’re fucked either way. All of this and not to mention those who don’t acknowledge a change is coming. It’s so obvious. I had big dreams of traveling the world and now that dream is dead. Just like those 205,000 from COVID-19. I am well aware of how precarious my life is. And yet I am not attached to it. Why should I be? So I can be the slave of assholes like Bezos and Gates? Or maybe it’s so I can get shot by Brent Taylor, who shot my friend. Or maybe it’s all of this and then some. Whatever the case, I highly doubt that there is a day in my life I will not be pissed off about something. That is what YouTube and Facebook are for after all. Stealing your data and selling it to foreign governments while we all tear each other apart in an attempt to impose our ideals onto the populace while the white collars laugh their asses off.