I feel nothing/ Dark Clouds

I feel nothing.

I Feel nothing.

I feel Nothing.

Am I dead?

I stare in the mirror only to see myself.

And my reflection shows me, nothing.

There is nothing there.

Not a person.

Not a thing.

Not even a decipherable emotion.

And somehow, I have felt this for a long time.

I think I’m dead.

No, rather I know I’m dead.

I just tried to deny it for so long.

And now I understand.

Dark Clouds

Dark clouds hover over me.

And what could it be?

Oh wait, I know.

It is all of the bottled emotions I’ve held in.

I do my best to surpress them.

And now, a whirlwind forms.

From white, to grey, and finally to black.

That is the color of my mind.

And all this time, a river of bloody thoughts seeps in which each color change.

I do my best to keep them at bay.

But nothing ever works.

The scars I carry can’t be seen.

It isn’t like anyone would listen.

And those who do would not understand.

And so I do what I do best, isolation.

It is for the best.

And which each day, my attachments grow faint.

All of this anger, rage, hatred,

All of the nights of lying awake unable to sleep,

All of the disappointments both big and small,

It washes my mind, like a pressurizer against a brick wall.

And so I say to my best friend, hello there.

You are always there for me whenever I come close to falling.

My days are numbered.

You might see me soon after all.

After all the close calls.

After all the days of bashing my head against walls.

I can see the scene now.

A return from black, to grey, and finally to white.

A final good night.